Sleep used to be easy for me. I was known to be the napping queen. Every day after school I would come home and take a nap, for an hour or so. Falling asleep was very easy for me, and I would sleep for 8-10 hours every night. However, things have changed. When my anxiety and depression started to hit hard, my sleep was majorly affected. I started having nightmares, I would be wide awake at 2 am, and I just could not fall asleep. Period.
At first, I thought it was nothing and thought I was stressed about college in general. I tried some generic sleeping aids such as Z-quil, Benadryl, and melatonin. However, these did not help at all, and I still could not fall asleep. I would be wide awake in the middle of the night, or when I did fall asleep, I would wake up from a nightmare. Nightmares for me were terrifying. I would wake up sweating, anxious, and sometimes even scream in my sleep. It felt so real and I could not get it to stop, no matter what I tried.
Not being able to sleep affected several things in my life. First, field hockey became extremely difficult. Practice was at 6:30 AM, and I tried so hard to sleep well the night before, but I just couldn’t. I would go to practice already feeling drained, which was so frustrating for me. I tried performing my best, but my body was exhausted, and just couldn’t do it. Also, waking up for class became a challenge for me. Getting out of bed for a 9:20 class was difficult for me. I would wake up and my body almost felt paralyzed. I physically was so exhausted, but I knew I had to attend class, even if I was late, or looked like I just walked out of bed.
After telling myself for the longest time I was fine, and it was just a “phase” I finally realized I needed a change. I talked to my therapist about how I was feeling and the symptoms I was feeling. My therapist diagnosed me with Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder. According to the American Psychiatric Association, “Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorder is a class of sleep disorders in which one’s internal sleep-wake clock is disrupted, resulting in disturbed sleep and consequential daytime fatigue.” Also, this disorder affects your entire sleep schedule. It personally affected me when I wanted to fall asleep, and also when I did fall asleep, I could never sleep throughout the entire night. My therapist also explained to me that this disorder affects performance, alertness, and constant fatigue, which were all symptoms that I was experiencing.
After talking to my therapist, he suggested trying prescribed sleeping medication, instead of melatonin or any other drug store product. I contacted my psychiatrist, and she helped me find the perfect medication and dosage. I had to go through several medications. At first, I still struggled with falling asleep after my first medication. However, she upped the dosage, and it made a huge difference. After finally finding the right dosage, I can sleep throughout the night, my nightmares have distractedly decreased, and I barely wake up during the night anymore. By taking this sleeping medication, I have already felt so much better in just a little amount of time. My performance and motivation have increased and I’m starting to feel better every day.
I was scrolling through Instagram and found this quote. “Change is not an event, it’s a process.” I had to experience the lows and the struggles to get where I am today.
These are some examples of symptoms I was feeling.
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