My name is Catey Crain and I am a current freshman at Johnson and Wales University. I am double majoring in sports management and marketing. I also played on the field hockey team for Johnson and Wales at the NCAA level for my freshman year. However, I decided to leave the team to focus on my mental health. I decided to create this blog because I want to share my story and my experiences, and I want to raise awareness for mental health especially in sports.
For my entire life, I unfortunately have been bullied. The main reason why I was bullied was because I have a lisp. I have a hard time pronouncing certain sounds and words. Many people told me I sounded "weird" and I was constantly laughed at. This really affected how I viewed myself. I was continually brought down for something I could not control. I then started high school. High school was extremely hard for me. I came from a very small town and had to go to a big inner city school. This was a big adjustment for me. I was not the most outgoing person, and I was very shy and quiet. Making friends and finding my group was very difficult.
My Junior year of high school was when my anxiety and depression really started. I experienced a traumatic family event and it affected my life in a way I never thought it would. I also was having a very hard time finding myself, who is Catey? I did not know.
I joined my high school field hockey team freshman year of high school. I was very passionate about field hockey and loved the sport. I worked extremely hard during the summer to get into shape and practice my stick skills. However, in high school, I did not play a lot and spent most of my time on the bench. This really took a toll on my confidence. I always asked myself, "Why am I not playing? I must suck." Constantly telling myself this was draining. I felt useless and felt that my presence on the team did not matter. However, I still had passion for the sport. Even though I did not get a lot of game time, I knew I wanted to keep playing. My senior year of high school, I joined a club team. A club team is a team that travels and competes against other teams all year round. Being on a club team helped me strengthen my skills, my confidence, and playing in college became a reality. I then made a highlight video, and sent it to coaches and colleges I was interested in. The coach at Johnson and Wales University became interested in me. This was HUGE for me. A college coach wanted me? I was so thrilled! It felt like all my hard work paid off.
High school was over and now I was starting a new chapter in my life: college! I moved into college early, as I was preparing for my first ever collegiate field hockey preseason. College was a huge change for me. For the first time ever I was apart from my identical twin sister. I was also now independent, two hours away from home. One thing I struggled with was making friends. I felt very nervous, since I knew nobody. Change was scary for me. It took me a while to find a normal schedule and routine.
Field hockey season was starting. I would practice, train, and have games almost everyday. However, one thing was missing. My head was never in the game. I really struggled with finding who I was. I struggled with comparing myself to other people, felt I did not deserve this opportunity, and I was constantly bringing myself down. Practices and game days became a force. I was losing my passion for field hockey. My head was filled with racing thoughts and I could never get them to stop. It was a constant struggle everyday.
After everything that happened, I decided to take a step back from field hockey. I wanted a change in my life, and realized I needed to put a priority on my mental health. I needed time to focus on myself and my future.
Another major change I made in my life was seeking help. I always was scared to admit I needed help. I started seeing a therapist and now I also see a psychiatrist. I also am on medication. The main reason I started medication was I was not sleeping at all. I learned that insomnia was a side effect of anxiety. One of the biggest things I have learned about medication is, it will not solve your problems. It will not make them go away. Medication for me, has helped me with anxiety attacks. It helps me calm down in a healthy way.
So, why am I sharing this? I want people to know that you are not alone. Help is out there. People in your life love you. It's a process. I am still learning so much about myself, but now I am healthy and starting to feel better everyday.
Meet me, Catey!
Follow @head_inthegame on Instagram to stay up to date with my life!!
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